A Contridiction in terms

Well today is Monday, I don't have the luxury of having anything like a Chinese new year to celebrate, so I'm once again at my office - working. Everyone dislikes Mondays, well when I say everyone I mean every real person - i.e. the working class. Anyways this Monday is like any other Monday - full of the same pep talks, same niggles and re opened stuff from last Friday. Mondays also seem to be the day of moral victories, the victories you have when you are completely beaten. Fresh from my moral victory, I considered the stupidity of the English language and all the says that don't make sense. Here below is a short list that make little or no sense.

"Moral Victory" sounds like: Triumph of virtue over the face of evil. Real Meaning: Your butt just got whipped and you just managed to save your face from getting flogged also.

"To have your cake and eat it too" sounds like: What a normal person would do if given a piece of cake. Real Meaning: You've just been caught eating everyone else's cake.

"Burn the Candle at both ends" sounds like: The feeling you get after eating 'lunumiris'. Real Meaning: You've been to work early and left late because some prick has moved the deadline forward again.

"On a roll" sounds like: Youve just stood on a bread bun lying on the ground. Real Meaning: You are doing things very quickly, but you are sure to be going downhill.

"Let them eat cake" sounds like: Youve been allowed the privilege to do something. Real Meaning: You are about to be sacked, the cake is your farewell gift.

"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth" sounds like: Good advice, horses can give very nasty bites. Real Meaning: We don't want you to look too closely at the "gift" we are proposing to you since it means that you will be working more hours for less.

I think office life is turning me into a cinic. The tragedy of modern living!